Where is me?

As a child I have been fond of sports. I loved swimming. In fact I participated in an inter school competition for sprint. I enjoyed games in a relaxed space but not in competition. I played chess for many hours in my college, enjoyed doing chess puzzles but could not take it up that seriously to mug up all the openings by reading books and playing with myself. I did not have that ambition to top the world. Again in studies too I was not competitive that I have score above anybody or top the class. I did whatever I could do naturally first time and till I enjoyed it.

Why this elaborate introduction? I am watching London Olympics about two hours last few nights and not every day. I am not so hell bent to subscribe to some channel to watch it. I do enjoy but not so much that I must. Somehow I do not appreciate; I can’t appreciate the animal spirit to win somehow and anyhow. I can’t say that those who do are not happy or satisfied or unfilled. I may be rationalizing my inferiority.

I do not watch cricket or football or for that matter any other games. I do not read stories either. Although I carry some books always, but may not touch them for many days. What about going places and seeing places. I go places but do not see much.

I have ceased to be interesting. Weekly I have to make driving for about 15 hours. It often is an effort since I get terribly sleepy but don’t like to stop to sleep and I hate driving when it is dark. I do not know if others do the same I thought about the inhabited island that I live alone. My island of birth and banishment for life there, is devoid of people; furthermore it is devoid of plants rock water or any diversity. It is made of fine sand of same color, that has no memory. I can’t make any foot print. It gets lost as soon as I have made it. I never know if I am going in circles. I have tried to build many castles and populated them with people and characters. I created diversity and surroundings with heaven and earth, gardens, springs and fountains, azure sky and indigo sea and green fields. For a while I wrote poem and sat in the surroundings thus created and read them loud to my eternal love my companion inseparable. I spent hours in silence looking at her eye. I have imagined my death in this heaven and felt the sorrow of separation from my love for ever. It is unbearable.

I had been born the same. What more can I ask? I sit still. I see all disappear before me sublime leaving nothing not even memory. Where am I?

Startled, I nervously look around – did I sleep off, am I on the road! I pinch myself hard. I turn the volume louder. I look at my GPS, and wonder will I make it home this time?